Pain is the best way to describe what I am feeling. Not just hunger pains (although most has subsided as my body has started to eat its self) but pain on a deeper level. While I spend my time in meditation lots of flaws about myself pop to the front of my mind, everything from saying my first cuss word in elementary school all the way to… well never mind. The point is I am starting to change the idea I have of myself. I am going from version 1.2 to a new 2.0 beta; yes it is a beta version until it has been properly tested. I am nowhere close to finding this new person within me so the fast will continue. I would recommend fasting to anyone who is up for a challenge and needs good soul searching time. Trust me God will show you things about yourself that will both scare you and disgust you but as I am finding out it is good to know these things and correct them.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
First day of Fast
I am doing a two week fast in order to find answers for what I need to do with my life. It is a liquid only fast, the idea is if the body uses energy on both brain power and on digestion then I would rather use the energy to sort things out in my mind. I am 21hours into the fast and things are fine so far. I have set aside 2 hours every day for meditation; this is the average time I would spend on lunch break and at dinner. I am replacing my lunch break at work with a walk in the park. I hope this 2 weeks are both physically and mentally health for me. Pray for me so I will get through this and God will reveal at least one of the answers that I am searching for.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
“Who am I living for”?
I am stealing the title of this post from a Katy Perry song; yeah I know its gay but whatever.
Anyway I feel I need to say something about my recent break up. For the ones that read this and know me best you will know that I am not usually affected by a break up, other than the normal 3 day period of self pity I allow myself. For some reason, (that I am currently unaware of this time) I feel emptier than I should, and I think that is why I try to find comfort in Katy Perry.
The song “Who am I living for” asks a very simple question; who are you living for? I used to live for my girlfriend, sacrificing all that I could to make her happy. Well that would have been fine if she wasn’t a complete fake that ended up lying to me and her family. Sorry I’m not here to rant. The point I am trying to make here is that if you are going to love someone and put faith in them and live for them, be prepared to get crushed by them. I guess I’m trying to say that I have learned a valuable lesson here, don’t live for another person, live for yourself or God, and personally I say that you could trust God more than you could your own self.
Clinton Greene
Anyway I feel I need to say something about my recent break up. For the ones that read this and know me best you will know that I am not usually affected by a break up, other than the normal 3 day period of self pity I allow myself. For some reason, (that I am currently unaware of this time) I feel emptier than I should, and I think that is why I try to find comfort in Katy Perry.
The song “Who am I living for” asks a very simple question; who are you living for? I used to live for my girlfriend, sacrificing all that I could to make her happy. Well that would have been fine if she wasn’t a complete fake that ended up lying to me and her family. Sorry I’m not here to rant. The point I am trying to make here is that if you are going to love someone and put faith in them and live for them, be prepared to get crushed by them. I guess I’m trying to say that I have learned a valuable lesson here, don’t live for another person, live for yourself or God, and personally I say that you could trust God more than you could your own self.
Clinton Greene
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Over the hump day…
Hello people
So I made it to Thursday as you can tell. Things in the web design world are going great, not the same for the rest of my life. On Monday I went with Ciera to Hickory NC. We hit the mall and got some awesome coffee at Broad River Coffee Company. Then we went to Best Buy where I bothered the workers. Eventually we ended up at Hooters. Yeah I know right, not really the kind of place you think of when you think of me. But never the less they have the best breaded hot wings ever.
Tuesday I went out shooting, guns are one of my hobbies/passion. I mounted and sighted in a scope on a Marlin .22, it was my dad’s gun (very old). I did find the time to play violin that night, it always seems to calm me and make everything logical in a seriously screwed up world.
Wednesday I opted out of church and just lied in bed and read most of the night. I feel that I need to read more in order to broaden my vocabulary for my book, but I’m not sure that Dr. Sues is the best method for that… oh well.
I have been having trouble with a bit of depression. Some days I have no energy what so ever and can be very easily made angry. It just seems I am having more days like these instead of days of joy. Last Friday I was on a phone call that turned in to an argument and I completely destroyed my room and other parts of the house. I am still repairing a smashed guitar from the incident, I hope that won’t happen again but I don’t think I will ever be in that situation again so I don’t worry.
So I made it to Thursday as you can tell. Things in the web design world are going great, not the same for the rest of my life. On Monday I went with Ciera to Hickory NC. We hit the mall and got some awesome coffee at Broad River Coffee Company. Then we went to Best Buy where I bothered the workers. Eventually we ended up at Hooters. Yeah I know right, not really the kind of place you think of when you think of me. But never the less they have the best breaded hot wings ever.
Tuesday I went out shooting, guns are one of my hobbies/passion. I mounted and sighted in a scope on a Marlin .22, it was my dad’s gun (very old). I did find the time to play violin that night, it always seems to calm me and make everything logical in a seriously screwed up world.
Wednesday I opted out of church and just lied in bed and read most of the night. I feel that I need to read more in order to broaden my vocabulary for my book, but I’m not sure that Dr. Sues is the best method for that… oh well.
I have been having trouble with a bit of depression. Some days I have no energy what so ever and can be very easily made angry. It just seems I am having more days like these instead of days of joy. Last Friday I was on a phone call that turned in to an argument and I completely destroyed my room and other parts of the house. I am still repairing a smashed guitar from the incident, I hope that won’t happen again but I don’t think I will ever be in that situation again so I don’t worry.
Clinton Greene
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Starting Out
Hello,
I am Clinton Greene and I am keeping this blog as a way to mostly keep track of what I am doing from day to day but also allow my friends to peer into my realm of work and life. I am the web designer and technician for this site www.layman.org. I enjoy my job, it pays good and I get to travel. I hope to one day soon open a business of my own, simply as an enjoyment. I have a great job and would never leave it for some fleeting dream of being a business owner, but I do think that it would be fun to be apart of something like a small business.
I also enjoy music, playing and listening. I am a BIG Bob Dylan fan and love trying to recapture the magic of his poetry when I play guitar and or harmonica.
I promise I will commit to this blog and not let it fall into the abyss of the interwebs.
Clinton Greene
I am Clinton Greene and I am keeping this blog as a way to mostly keep track of what I am doing from day to day but also allow my friends to peer into my realm of work and life. I am the web designer and technician for this site www.layman.org. I enjoy my job, it pays good and I get to travel. I hope to one day soon open a business of my own, simply as an enjoyment. I have a great job and would never leave it for some fleeting dream of being a business owner, but I do think that it would be fun to be apart of something like a small business.
I also enjoy music, playing and listening. I am a BIG Bob Dylan fan and love trying to recapture the magic of his poetry when I play guitar and or harmonica.
I promise I will commit to this blog and not let it fall into the abyss of the interwebs.
Clinton Greene
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